College can be intimidating, especially with the pressure of always feeling like you have to be doing something with a friend or a group of people. Social media makes it seem like everyone around you is constantly surrounded by friends. This makes doing things alone feel embarrassing or weird if we think no one else our age is. But, social media is a highlight reel, and doing things alone is not only normal but crucial to developing self-confidence and contentment.
Here’s how to learn to be comfortable (and even enjoy) doing things “alone.”
Change your mindset:
There are two perspectives you can have about doing things by yourself
- Since all of my friends are busy and I have no one to hang out with, I can’t do anything.
- Since all of my friends are busy and I have no one to hang out with, I can do whatever I want!
The first perspective restricts you from doing so many things you want to do, because of the fear you might look or feel stupid doing it alone. There may be a new cafe on campus or a museum you have been meaning to visit, but you are waiting to go until someone is around to join you. All that time spent waiting around for others is time wasted. Changing your mindset from the first to the second allows you to break free of the limitations you set for yourself by constantly waiting on others to allow you to live your life.
Embrace your own company:
Explore what YOU like to do, how you like to spend your time, and what you like to think about; get to know yourself when no one else is around.
When going on a solo adventure, you have absolute freedom to go wherever you want, for however long you want. You have complete autonomy over the experience and do not have to tailor it to fit someone else’s likes, dislikes or schedule. It truly allows you to use your time in whatever way you deem valuable. Spending time with just yourself is so important because you get to focus all your energy on what you are thinking. Constantly being around other people can leave little time to check in with our thoughts and emotions, because we are hyper-focused on someone else all of the time. Enjoying the time you get to spend in your own mind is so vital because it is where we spend the entirety of our lives!
From personal experience, even going on an early morning solo walk can change your entire perspective on the places you see every day because there is no one to talk about your surroundings with besides yourself. It allows you to appreciate the ordinary things in everyday life that you might not have noticed if you were engaging in conversation with someone by your side.
Be confident:
Many fear being alone in public because they do not want to feel judged by everyone else around them. The crucial thing to realize is that you are less important to other people than you think. This may sound harsh, but it is a rather freeing concept. No one is walking past you on the street and wondering why you are walking by yourself, or sitting near you in a cafe on campus and even giving you a second thought. Everyone is too preoccupied with their own lives and selves that they are not paying much attention to you or anyone else at all. I have found that if I do happen to take notice of a stranger, it is usually because of their striking confidence, or because they embodied a different quality I wished to have myself.
This realization has transformed the way I view being by myself. Rather than living in fear of being noticed or judged by strangers, I simply decided to change what the stranger would be seeing and judging. Walking around confidently leaves that stranger no choice but to believe you are confident, and are probably alone because you want to be alone, not because you are lonely. Even if you are not truly confident about what you are doing, act like you are and no one will question it.
Although doing things alone can inevitably still feel uncomfortable or even embarrassing sometimes in our college years, it is critical in developing a strong sense of self-identity and confidence.