Director Francis Ford Coppola, better known for works such as “The Godfather” and “Apocalypse Now,” recently released his latest directorial creation: “Megalopolis.” This self-proclaimed “vision of hope” was entirely self-funded, amounting to just over 120 million dollars in total budget. A month after release, it  grossed only 10 million dollars an immense and embarrassing loss. Critics of the film called it a “hallucination of a movie” or “Coppola’s catastrophe those in favor say it’s a “miasma of magic” or a “complex and thought-provoking experiment.” Neither of these seemed like they could be both true at once, so I went to the movies to see just what caused this incredible box office flop.

The following paragraphs will contain spoilers for this film, as well as my personal opinions on its production. If you still intend on seeing the movie, please proceed with caution.

“Megalopolis” is and I mean this in the kindest way nonsense. Many of the scenes, while possessing a beginning and an end, often have such a confusing middle that it hardly matters. To illustrate this, I want to describe the opening five minutes: the movie begins with Cesar Catalina (Adam Driver), a newly famous architect, watching from a safe distance as the planned destruction of an old building occurs. The setting is both modern and archaic in aesthetic. It’s clearly New York City but influenced by Roman architecture. He is surrounded by followers and construction workers, all who praise him for the project he plans to replace the old structure with: an urbanist community they call Megalopolis. 

Despite being so surrounded by fans, Catalina seems ambivalent to their praise and chooses mostly to stare off into the distance. He seems lost in his own world, worried about something. Just as the building begins to explode, Catalina murmurs under his breath, and orders time to stop. Fantastically, it does. Everyone, with the exception of Catalina, is temporarily frozen. He stares at the building intensely, and after a moment, quietly allows time to resume. The structure is destroyed, and no one else seems to have noticed the brief pause. This magical ability to pause and resume time is one that Catalina keeps a guarded secret: it also only shows up a handful of times in the entire film, making it unclear if it’s a literal power Catalina has or an unusually placed metaphor. Then, the next scene begins.

In my opinion, this jarring opening moment is meant to introduce the audience to Driver’s character. He is intelligent, well-liked and troubled. While I would agree that the script does succeed in getting across these qualities pretty succinctly, it fails to realize that no average audience member would ever notice that through the whirlwind of confusing imagery. This mistake echoes throughout the rest of the film as it only continues to get more and more absurd. 

It is revealed that Catalina is a Nobel Peace Prize winner, having created a magical building substance called Megalon. This strange, glowing material is said by some to be dangerous, and others to be the long-awaited solution that humanity needed. It has properties that are never clearly defined: it can turn invisible, as displayed on Vesta Sweetwater’s (Grace VanderWaal) concert outfit. It can induce hallucinations, as seen when Catalina uses it to pretend his dead wife, Sunny Hope (Haley Sims), is still alive. It can also defy the laws of physics, creating fantastical moving walkways and shining, bulbous houses seemingly from nowhere. How exactly Catalina discovered this material, as well as why he seems to be the only one who wields it, is never explained.

Despite its mysterious origins and limits, however, Megalon is changing the world. Mayor Cicero (Giancarlo Esposito), Catalina’s rival, opposes the use of this substance to create a futuristic city. He claims building a casino will solve New Rome’s problems much faster. During an event in which Cicero tries to convince the public to support him, Catalina crashes in and, inexplicably, recites the entirety of Hamlet’s famous “to be or not to be” soliloquy. This, for some reason, wins the audience over, and the room descends into shouting. 

During this time, Catalina meets Julia (Nathalie Emmanuel), the daughter of Mayor Cicero, and they later become lovers. The movie continues to highlight the two leaders’ struggle for power, sprinkling in romantic scenes involving Julia. It is also revealed Julia is the only one immune to the effects of Catalina’s time-stop ability. On an unrelated note, Wow Platinum, a reporter and Catalina’s former mistress, decides she is tired of always being second and begins manipulating her way to the top. She marries the richest man in the world, Crassus (Jon Voight), and uses her influence over his ailing health to freeze Catalina’s bank account.

Around this time, a Soviet satellite randomly crashes into New Rome, destroying most of the buildings. In the chaos that ensues, Catalina partially builds his fabled Megalopolis which actually doesn’t show up all that much in the movie. It’s briefly depicted as a shining, winding city full of weirdly empty streets and plantlike houses. During this confusing time, Catalina also finalizes his marriage to Julia. For a brief moment, he appears to be on his way to a fulfilling life. However, not all remains well: many are not happy that the city has been completed. 

Clodio Pulcher (Shia Lebouf), a nephew of Crassus, is manipulated by Wow Platinum to kill Catalina, whom Platinum still holds a grudge against. An assassin hired by Pulcher shoots Catalina in the head, but he uses Megalon to restore his skull. Pulcher, having gone insane due to being manipulated, decides to try and storm the City Hall and Megalopolis at the same time. Catalina and his now father in law Cicero must join forces to stop the greater threat, and eventually find a bond in their success. Cicero now no longer opposes the idea of Megalopolis. Catalina eventually turns Pulcher’s own rioting army – and they kill him. With no one to oppose him now, Catalina finishes building Megalopolis and Julia gives birth to their first child: a daughter, who they call Sunny Hope. On New Year’s Eve, he and his wife kiss as the Times Square Ball drops, and he then orders time to stop. Sunny Hope is unaffected by this, but both Catalina and Julia are. Credits roll.

If it seemed unnecessary to recount the entire plot, I promise I had a point. I want to first ask the reader, after having experienced a brief recounting of the story, what they think the film might be about. If you didn’t have an answer don’t worry, neither did Francis Ford Coppola. In an interview with Collider Media about the meaning behind “Megalopolis,” Coppola had this to say:

“I felt the themes of this movie are important to the world today. We are killing so many of our cousin human beings, and so many of our children. We are a genius species. There’s not a problem we face that we don’t have the ability to solve: someone has to say that, I think. And that’s what that film says.”

Coppola gave other such vague answers in similar interviews, stating that it was a retelling of the Fall of Rome, or that it was a commentary on the ways societies form. If you want my opinion, it looked more to me like an incredibly rich director getting to play with dolls for a few hours. It’s no secret that “Megalopolis” has been changed hundreds of times over the course of its development. There are even reports of Coppola improvising entire plot points on set. I think the entirety of this movie was Francis Ford Coppola stroking his ego for a bit while the rest of us watched.

The worst part, however, is that I had fun. I went to see the movie with someone else, and both of us had an incredible time watching the film unravel itself before us. The baffling setting, the unusual characters and the Gordian Knot of a plot had us on the edge of our seats almost the entire time. I distinctly recall even saying it was the most fun I’d ever had, just as we left the theater. I don’t regret purchasing my ticket, even to this day. There’s an undefinable joy in watching something as confusing as “Megalopolis.” I think more than anything, the true beauty of this film comes from making fun of it afterward. That may not have been Coppola’s intention, but it’s certainly the case.

It’s the worst movie I’ve ever seen. Everyone should go watch it.