Is your go-to dinner conversation whatever he texted you at 11 p.m. last Friday? Or reciting the story of that one coworker from this summer? Or, and don’t even try to deny it, whichever actor your For You Page is obsessed with this month? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not judging you. We all do it. Society is hardwired to be patriarchal at its core. But maybe it’s time to switch it up — to rethink the way we speak to our friends. Challenge yourself to have a full dinner without the subject of a conversation being a man. Or worse, a boy. Try and pass the Bechdel test. 

So what even is the Bechdel test? In 1985, graphic designer Alison Bechdel made a cartoon joking about her standards for watching a movie. In it, two friends are discussing plans to see a movie, but one of them clarifies that the options must pass her three basic standards — first, there has to be at least two women featured in it, the women have to actually talk to each other and, finally, the conversation must be about something other than a man. Tough, I know. In the cartoon strip, the friend jokes that the last movie she was actually able to watch was “Alien,” where the two women talk to each other about the monster. Horribly ironic, considering the manner in which the monster takes the lives of its victims.

Since the birth of the Bechdel Test, there has been a gradual increase in movies that pass the three standards — a whopping 18% between the 1970s and the 2010s! However, research also shows that more Oscar-winning films for best picture in the 1930s passed the Bechdel Test than in the most recent decade.

The point is, we spend too much of our lives talking about men — and watching movies where the only featured women center their thinking about men. It’s time to change that, and here are 10 unique questions to help you get started:

  1. What is your love language with your friends? 

How do you show your love to them and what are some ways that you believe they are showing their love to you? Do you have a form that you prefer receiving the most?

  1. If you could transport yourself to one alternate universe, which would you choose?

This could be more or less interpreted as, “what is your favorite book, show or movie?” except you can only choose one. Why are you choosing it? And don’t say “The Vampire Diaries.”

  1. The Purge just started — where are you going and who are you bringing with you?

This is one of my favorites. There are so many different directions the conversation could go. 

  1. What’s one thing about yourself you hope never changes?

C’mon, gas yourself up a little bit. No need to be humble. 

  1. Erase your worst memory or relive your best moment?

Or, conversely, erase your best memory or relive your worst moment? 

  1. What is something you’re excited about in the next few weeks?

We love to talk about things we’re looking forward to, and if there’s not something that immediately comes to mind, why not plan it now?

  1. What’s one thing in the future that scares you?

Joining the workforce? That class presentation next week? The surrealness of our mortality?  Sometimes addressing and accepting our fears is the only way to stop them from holding us back.

  1. What does it mean to you to be accomplished?

 If you were 80 years old, looking back on your life, what would make you feel proud? Stop thinking about what would make your parents proud — think about what accomplishments would matter most to the future you..

  1. What’s your biggest passion right now? What do you get excited about?

It could be a hobby, a piece of media or a philosophy. We all need a proverbial light at the end of the academic tunnel.

  1. If you were a heroine in a Shakespeare play, what would be your fatal flaw?

Pride, passion, impulsivity, greed, jealousy, hypocrisy, spite, dishonesty, indecision, naivety, etc. Choose one and provide receipts.