Family is often the only thing that remains constant in our lives, which can be important, especially in a world where things are becoming so short-term, like our jobs and attention spans. The more you know about what it takes to maintain a healthy relationship with your loved ones earlier on, the better, and here’s why:
Whether you use Maslow’s hierarchy, knowledge that humans are social animals, or just your instincts as a frame of reference, all humans depend on strong social networks and support systems in their lives to succeed.
How you maintain those relationships can seem like small and insignificant efforts, but they are critical to ensuring that you spend quality time together, and that looks different for everyone. Here are some suggestions:
- Communicate — almost everything!
Of course there’s no need to get overly personal, but telling your loved ones, particularly those who have looked after you, about your life will remind them how much you value them. This includes both issues and successes. Celebrate with your loved ones and ask them for advice on important decisions. Though they may offer advice that you disagree with, remember that it’s your decision in the end and remind them that you respect their opinion even if you think differently. If they ever comment in a way that makes you uncomfortable or upset, let them know that what they said made you feel that way. Though your statement may not incite an apology or reaction from them immediately, you’re communicating your emotions to them, and that will lessen your own cognitive dissonance, avoiding a build up of emotions and promoting a culture of clear communication.
Sometimes it may feel like you’re oversharing, or like you should ask about them first, but those who truly love you will enjoy hearing about your life irrespective. Again, this is especially important with your caretakers, as they often have a routine that they’ve gotten used to and will find your life as a college student much more interesting.
- Make time frequently (ideally, daily)!
Remember that at any given time, your life is made up of those who you are interacting with regularly. When you haven’t seen a loved one for a while, you can feel a sense of emptiness. Your loved ones who have supported you throughout your life for the first time feel farther away. It’s important that you now also be there to support your loved ones. It’s a two-way street. Even a 30-minute call every day can change your mood completely.
- Take a breather
Before you give your family members a call or a visit, taking just two minutes to reflect on the most recent time you spent together, what’s going on in their lives and what you want to tell them about your day can help you make the most of your time together. It can be difficult to switch between college life and family life so instantly. It is much easier to get caught in a trap of solely discussing impersonal subjects like meals or which classes you had without a conscious effort. Two things that help with this are reflection and intention. To reflect, retrace your day from start to finish. What were the highlights? Lowlights? Who did you spend time with today? Think of how you want to share these experiences with your family. As for intention, make it a point to make each call count, by asking your family members for advice, to recount childhood stories or about why they’re participating in certain activities. So long as you believe that you want your calls to be quality time you spend together, your interest will be authentic and you can use some of the above tips to learn more about your family and look forward to seeing them even more.
Ultimately, as we transition into adulthood, we will build bonds with friends that will become indistinguishable from family, and even begin to build families of our own. It’s important that we remind both ourselves and our family members how much we value those connections and make the precious time that we have with them count.