First dates can be challenging, nerve-racking and scary. There will be moments of anxiety, angst and a tinge of worry. The desire for the “perfect date” can feel all consuming, making us lose sight of the truly monumental and important aspects of a first date. How do we recapture the moment? Here are my top three pieces of advice to aid in refocusing a first date to excitement and romance.
- Oftentimes, it seems the person planning the date can get so sucked into worrying about the location: “Is it fancy enough?” “Is it too fancy?” “I need to make a big romantic gesture.” As these questions swirl in our heads, it is easy to lose sight of the imperfections of a first date that will later be stories to tell. People watching during a first date can elevate and bring an aspect of vulnerability to the environment. Taking the train or walking outside can allow for moments of closeness and vulnerability — like stumbling when the train moves or sharing a glance after your hands brush, which could soon turn into more. Noticing these smaller details and exaggerating them when you replay them in your mind is the “first date feeling” we all long for.
- So you bought flowers. First, great start! Most people love flowers, but even better, everyone loves consistency. Setting unrealistic standards on a first date can raise questions, anticipation and, eventually, disappointment when these standards are not constantly met. First dates are a time to let your personality shine and be completely open. Things like flowers are great, just bring them the next time too. Fun, extravagant date ideas are amazing if they happen again. Consistency is a major aspect of a relationship, and, thus, the intro for a perfect first date.
- Be yourself! Nobody wants to see the fake you. You want to seem fun, enjoyable, spontaneous and “perfect.” To the right person, your flaws will be seen as cute and endearing, which cannot happen without an accurate representation of who you are.
Do not let a first date intimidate or scare you. They are exciting and a time to be vulnerable and find that one person who will be vulnerable with you. Rather than focusing on the big picture, zoom in and remember the subtleties of a first date.