Matcha, feminist literature, tote bags and Clairo playing through the wired headphones. This is a new “genre” of style called the Performative Male. This new trend is sweeping the nation, with social media users dissecting what it takes to gain attention from women as a man in 2025.
A performative male is described as a man performing in ways to cater to women. In other words, a man who poses and puts up a front to gain the attention of women. With this in mind, there are some telltale signs of the “performative male.” Physical accessories include a tote bag over the shoulder (bonus points if it’s a Trader Joe’s tote) with a fully clothed Labubu keychain, an iced matcha in hand, wired headphones (also bonus points if they are listening to Clairo, Beabadoobee or Laufey), all while reading some form of feminist literature, like Joan Didion.
Performative feminism is not a new concept in the United States, and this trend has just been another layer added to this concept. A significant part of being a performative male is advocating for feminism (through the public reading of such books and blind conversations about equal pay), which sounds great, until the realization hits that many are incorporating these values as a joke. Feminism expressed as a joke and as a way of garnering positive attention from women is a very harmful rhetoric. The history of damaging roles in the Feminist Movement could explain why this aspect of the trend feels like a slap in the face. In the bigger picture though, it could be argued that attending feminist rallies under performative feminism is drastically better than continuing the decades-old hyper-masculine expectation, which poses its own laundry list of issues.
If this is hard to imagine, the character Kyle Scheible from the 2017 award-winning film “Lady Bird” is a prime example of this phenomenon. In the film, Kyle is seen reading books in public, talking about underground bands, having a nonchalant attitude towards the world and rejecting the mainstream. This desire of his to be niche for the attention of women perfectly groups him into the performative male category. I mean, an apple tree does not say it’s an apple tree; it just is an apple tree.
By now, this term may seem a bit familiar. The term “poser” describes a person who fakes or exaggerates an identity, hobby or belief to impress others. This word gained popularity in the 1980s primarily in subgroups like skateboarding, punk and surfing. People began pretending or exaggerating their involvement in these groups to come off as “cool” and niche (especially since groups like the punk scene were unique but rising in popularity). Within the realm of skateboarding, posers would buy a skateboard, along with all the newest skatewear, but would fundamentally lack the skill and interest of an authentic skateboarder, all for the validation of friends or romantic interests.
The problem with being a poser is that it detracts from the authenticity of certain subgroups. The punk movement, for example, began as a rebellious cultural and musical response to political unrest. When posers were thrown into the mix, however, they failed to recognize these intentions and began tarnishing the name of punk.
The modern-day performative male is no different. Stemming from the observation that women generally prefer men who are in touch with their sensitivity and kindness, the performative male has come along to put on that front (like a poser would) in hopes of attracting women who are interested in a soft and thoughtful man. It is a cheap and fake way of garnering attention.
Although the deeper history of this trend is serious, the current-day application is not as severe as everything mentioned earlier. There are light-hearted “performative male contests” across the United States to poke fun at this trend, where individuals show up in their most accurate performative male outfits and are ranked by civilians, and the most performative male wins a prize at the end!
With all this information in mind, it is important not to judge matcha-loving, book-reading, Clario listeners too quickly! The performative male trend is just a fun trend after all, though being aware of how this trend was born is just as relevant.